I interviewed for a graphic design job - low level stuff like making power point presentations for products. Nothing that required too much creative effort. As my interview (which was going great) came to a close, the owner of the company walked in unannounced and started asking me a series of questions unrelated to any design work, he seemed to be feeling out if I'm an organized and functional human being.
Two days later I'm offered a job - not as a designer, I had too much experience for the design position they had open - but as some kind of executive helper (assistant?) Seeing as unemployment insurance has dried up this year I tentatively accept, waiting for an exact salary and some more information. Still waiting and wondering if this is for the best.
2014 has been an interesting year for me professionally. I was laid off from a job that I was miserable at at the end of December 2013 and ended up trying to get by on freelance and unemployment. I was ready to go full on freelance, I brushed up on my skills, got better at drawing, got better at coloring, took some unpaid gigs to get myself out there. I worked in film as a set dresser where I ended up just being an on set graphics/illustration man, it seemed for a moment that this might be a new career path. My film production jobs went downhill shortly after 2 great experiences; a story that will require another entry.
With the aid of these occasional gigs I was able to collect unemployment until the end of September, when I was suddenly left with absolutely nothing coming in. It felt like I blew it. This was my chance to make it happen, I was going to thrive on storyboard work, illustration, film work. And it just didn't come together. All of these avenues were showing promise over the summer, but it got to the point where I needed any job I could get by October to pay the bills.
So here I am starting again and trying to be positive about it, but there's something about accepting this gig that feels a lot like failure. I wasn't able to build that dream within the time allotted. If things go anything like they did at my last office job, I'll be a zombie after work every day, too stressed out and drained to focus on upping my creative game.
So my mission is this: go to work, do what needs to be done, and find a way to keep energy levels up so I can keep making things. The upside here is that my making things no longer has to be a money game. It makes no difference if my art is marketable, I'm going to populate a body of work filled with things that I simply want to make. Its so much harder than it needs to be - mentally unlinking your art from its commercial prospects, so this may be an uphill battle. It's one I've been fighting for years and it hasn't gotten any easier.
Beneficial habits will be to stop being envious of those who have found success that I haven't. I know I have skills and now they're completely mine. Write in this blog every day. Use my sketchbook every day. Make music.
I know I can make it all work, and if this new gig goes nowhere I need to not feel that I'm wasting my time. I'm still burned from working the last office job where I was actively stifled by atrocious management. I need to let go of my bitterness from that experience if I want any chance of building the life I want. The life I want doesn't include commuting to midtown every day to crunch numbers and schedule meetings, so it's time to build on the things that are working for me.
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